Every Millennial Has AT LEAST One of These Five Things
They are the future. They are intelligent, media savvy, and they have opportunities we could never have dreamed of. They are also extremely annoying. Being unique is something they value very much. The only problem there is they all look and talk the EXACT same way.
If you know any, the common millenial has, does or wears one of these 5:
5. The Man bun - First, let me apologize for addressing gender right out of the gate. I know that is out of bounds. That said, I'm at the point where I'd trust the old hippie with the bald head/pony tail combo over the "man bun" guy.
4. The word "Sustainable" - They use it early and often. They force it into conversation at every turn.
3. The Soccer Jersey - American Football is, of course, a violent, cave man sport. They wear soccer jerseys.
2. A Specific diet - Cage free, vegan, pescatarian, locally sourced. Talking food with a millennial will likely give you a headache. They don't talk about their preferences. Instead, they preach about what you should eat. Mention any food you like, and they will give you 41 reasons why it's bad for you or why you are somehow supporting terrorism.
1. ZERO Sense of humor - I know that having no sense of humor is a lack of something, but this is the most important thing you need to know about our future leaders. Every topic that lends itself to humor is also likely a cause that they are either for or against. Every topic has something that offends their sensibilities. They are generally not a barrel of laughs.
Of course, I am generalizing. Not all Millennials are bad. Just enough that we notice your uniform and speech patterns when we see them.
- Fabric made of wheat
- Cuffed pants
- Canvas sneakers
- Microbreweries in their garage
- Sandals with socks
- Wet noodle hand shakes
- Ramones T-shirt even though they have never heard a Ramones song
- They recently did a cleanse
- They have a 3% equity share in a food truck
- They have names like "Bastian" and "Ryker"
- They don't say "please."
- They don't say "thank you."
- They don't hold doors
- They don't make eye contact
- They have more selfies in their phone than photos of their family
- Everyone is a "ROCK STAR"
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